To Everything, Turn, Turn, Turn
Transition: Endings-Neutral Zone- Beginnings
I’m in the middle of something big. Not quite an existential crisis, but a whirlwind of milestones, endings, and completions in multiple domains of my life that have me feeling off-center. In my work domain, I just completed my 16th Women’s Leadership Circle of Vermont program, held in the Northeast Kingdom, marking a significant milestone as the program has now served 178 women leaders in all 14 counties across the state.
My mom passed away in August and we just put the headstone on her grave. Jon and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this month. Our elder daughter just graduated from college, and she’s now living in Lithuania for a year. She is the age I was when I first lived there during the Independence Years in 1991-1993. And both girls are away for the first time during the summer so we’re truly empty nesters. I had a big health scare in December. Friendships change. At my Lithuanian camp in May, we just celebrated twenty years of a Women’s Weekend that I co-facilitate. Even my goal of hiking the Long Trail is being completed shortly. And after 25 years I chose to stop planting a vegetable garden and turned it into a perennial garden. It’s a lot and I’m feeling unmoored. A major gate of transition, some call it the midlife passage. I’m grateful I can see where I am, and I have practices and supports to lean into, but it doesn’t make it easy.
According to William Bridges in his classic book, “Making Sense of Life’s Changes: Transitions,” there are three stages to any transition:
Endings:
This first stage is about acknowledging and grieving the loss of the old identity, role, or situation. Even positive changes (like a promotion or marriage) often involve a sense of loss—of familiarity, routines, or aspects of self. This is why there are typically graduation commencements, and other formal rituals.
Bridges talks about Endings, but I’d like to make the distinction of Completion vs Ending. Ending is what happens, Completion is the emotional alignment with that ending. I’ve been conscious to really celebrate and mark these events as a way to emotionally process them.
Neutral Zone:
This is the “in-between” time—after the old has ended but before the new identity or way of being has taken root. It's often a confusing and uncomfortable phase, yet it's also the most fertile ground for creativity, renewal, and transformation. It requires time, space and reflection. Our society as a whole isn’t comfortable and when someone ends something, there is always the question of “What’s next?” I am trying hard myself to let this all be right now. No need to figure it all out as forcing it might cause me to miss what might want to emerge given enough reflection and unfolding. As a goal-oriented person, with a lean toward action, this is definitely not easy for me.
New Beginnings:
Eventually, a new inner reorientation emerges. People start to develop clarity, energy, and commitment to a renewed identity, goal, or direction. This new alignment is powerfully motivating and fuels this change. This is a reintegration phase into a daily life. There is a Zen saying, “After enlightenment, the laundry.” New practices, patience and support are needed as things will take time to take root.
It’s also useful for me to remember transitions as a loop in the life-journey. Some transitions are more distinctive, like having a child or moving to a new town. This transition is more subtle, but offers an authentic opportunity to go back into the cocoon for a bit to see what will emerge.
Great Link
A beautiful song that reflects a bit of what I’m feeling about the passage of time. People Get Old by Lori McKenna (3:41)
Reflection Exercise: Moving from Theory to Action
To support you in your own transition:
What are you consciously letting go of right now—and what would it mean to truly complete that ending, emotionally and symbolically?
In what ways are you currently inhabiting the neutral zone—and how might you make space for not knowing, without rushing to what's next?
What subtle signs or inner stirrings are beginning to emerge that hint at a new beginning—however unformed or quiet they might be?
What practices, relationships, or supports could help anchor you as a new phase of your life or leadership begins to take shape?
In what ways might this transition, however subtle, be inviting me into deeper authenticity or growth?
Quarterly Quote
Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path. -Paulo Coelho
Book Review
Hidden Blessings: Midlife Crisis as a Spiritual Awakening By: Jett Psaris, PhD
While I’m only partway into this book, it is an insightful, thought-provoking, narrative-changing work. In Hidden Blessings, Dr. Psaris reframes the often dreaded “midlife crisis” not as a descent into despair but as a sacred threshold for spiritual and psychological transformation. Drawing on personal stories, developmental psychology, and soulful inquiry, she argues that the pressures and disillusionments of midlife are invitations—calls to let go of societal roles and ego-driven scripts and to uncover a deeper, more authentic self beneath them. The process unfolds in multiple stages—each offering opportunities to slow down, befriend discomfort, and resist the impulse to rush into new achievements or reinventions too hastily. This book offers wisdom through the midlife passage to the second half of life.